Six Tricks to Eating and Drinking with a Beard – A Thanksgiving Day Crisis for Bearded Men
A lot of people do not realize there are certain things to consider when you have a beard that most without a beard will not. Having a beard is not simply just not shaving. As most bearded guys will tell you, it is so much simpler to roll out of bed and run a razor across your face then to have to primp, trim, and style you’re your facial hair every day. Maybe that is why No-shave November is only one month long. You need to consider style choices that will help you to look your best, as well as proper etiquette and hygiene to keep your beard as clean as possible. Although it may sound easy to those beardless counterparts, it is quite the opposite. The reality is that if you are not careful, you will end up with a dirty beard. Now with the holiday season looming around the corner, many men out there may have things on their mind other then engagement rings and Christmas gifts.
Many men out there make the aesthetic choice of growing a mustache in conjunction with their beard. I f you are like me and have been growing your beard for awhile then your mustache is pretty long as well. Even if you are a tidy eater, there are just some foods out there that present a mess regardless how you eat them. As such, with Thanksgiving less than a week away, it got me thinking of how this may present somewhat of a challenge when you go Carnivorous on that Turkey leg next Thursday. So, after much pondering and debate, I think I have found some tricks to help you keep your beard food-free this Thanksgiving.
"The reality is that if you are not practicing proper care and etiquette when dealing with food this holiday season, you will end up with a dirty beard."
pull it back in a way
Now if you have a long beard like myself you can try to gather the hair together and pull it back in a way. This hack involves gathering the hair together as best as you can and tying it in a ponytail. This may not be the most elegant way to eat your turkey dinner, however, this may just be the trick you need; out of sight, out of mind, right? However, this also is dependent on the type of beard you have and how much you can actually grab to put together in a ponytail. If you do not have a ponytail to use you can always try to tuck it in your shirt like a napkin.
Use a Napkin
This approach may sound silly or quite obvious, but it is a well-known fact that most men do not usually like to use a napkin; that is what their pantlegs, and back pockets are for. however, if you cannot get your leg up high enough to wipe your mouth and beard, maybe a napkin is just the right thing to use. There are three main tricks when using a napkin that will optimize your use of this device:
- Wipe it down
- Keep the food away from your mouth
- Wipe your mouth often as you would if you were eating messy foods
Adversely, some things are just beyond the ability of a napkin. As such, I would not try to wipe away Mashed Potatoes or Gravy from your beard, I have seen me do it, it does not end well.
Use a Spoon or Fork
Now I know some of us men out there are resembled as Cave men and love to use our hands; I understand, I am one of those men. However, the Byzantine Empire made this great invention that came out with around the Fourth Century called a Fork. As such, if my fellow Cave dwellers would attempt to use these, we may in fact thwart the thralls of this eating crisis. Using cutlery will make eating food easier. Short of trying to pick an entire turkey up with your Buck knife and putting it to your mouth, using cutlery will aid in avoiding crumbs and other food bits from breaking off onto the beard. Additionally, using a spoon to eat mashed potatoes will help to keep the gravy from dripping down your face and onto your beard, thwarting the issue of smearing gravy in your beard when using a napkin. Here is a helpful chart to assist you in making the decision of which utensil to use and for what:
- Forks to skewer
- Spoons to scoop
- Knifes to cut
Use Your Forefinger and Thumb
I am reminded of the video of when Daki (Daki Savic) showed us how to eat a Semla. Daki showed us bearded men how to use our forefinger and thumb to push away our mustache to allow the pastry unimpeded access to our mouths. Additionally, If you can remember to roll the upper lip upward as you drop your lower lip as you swipe your mustache away with your thumb and forefinger you will get the best results. This will make your teeth more exposed as well as angle the mustache up and away.
Wax Your Mustache
Now, I am not telling you that in order to avoid food spillage you must apply hair removal wax to your mustache and remove it. I mean to say, if you use Mustache Wax to keep the sides of your beard and mustache away from your lip you will be less likely to need to scoop beard and mustache out of your mouth along with droplets of food. Whenever I was about to go savage on a rack of ribs, I would grab some mustache wax, and wax up my upper lipular forestation to avoid eating it. Ass it cot longer and started to connect with my beard, I increasingly tried to use it to avoid eating the hairs camping out in the corners of my face.
Use a Straw
Now I know I can hear men everywhere saying, “What about liquids? Do you have a trick for that?”. My answer? Yes! Use a straw when drinking liquids. Now I know there is a stigma out there that says, only women use straws. However, I promise you if your Macho bearded brethren see you drinking with a straw they will understand. However, if this Thanksgiving a beardless man tries to comment, just politely point to the other end of the room and inform them that the “Kiddie Table” is over there.