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THE BEST BEARDY JOKES, QUOTES AND ONE LINERS ON THE INTERNET


by Fran O'Reilly August 19, 2016 0 Comments

With the weekend almost with us I decided to go against my usual blog posts of bearding advice and instead I've opted in for a little light hearted 'beardy humour' with today's beard blog post. So, without further ado here are some of the very best beard related jokes, quotes and one liners you'll find right at your fingertips.. Enjoy!

An attractive Woman walks up to the bar in a pub. She flirtatiously signals for the bearded barman attention who comes right over.

''Are you the manager?'' the Woman asks whilst gently caressing the mans thick full beard through her hands.

''No, sorry I'm not.'' the barman replies.

''Well, would it be at all possible for you to get him for me?'' she asks whilst continuing to run her fingertips through his marvelous beard-mane.

''I'm afraid he isn't around at the moment.'' explains the bearded barman who is clearly beginning to get aroused by this point. ''Is there anything I can do for you?''

''Yes. Please can you pass on a message for me?'' she flirtatiously whispers into his ear whilst gently placing a couple of her fingers into his mouth allowing him to gently suckle them.

''Tell him that we are out of toilet paper in the ladies room. Oh, and handwash!''

'In the presence of a Woman, a Gentleman removes his hat. In the presence of a beard, a Woman removes her clothes.'

'When I was a young boy my father taught me how to be a man. He took me into the bathroom, picked up a razor and ate it.'

'Remember, unlike other parts of you, your beard can be as long as you'd like it to be.'

'The only kind of person who cannot pull off facial hair, regardless of it's shape, style and size is a Woman.'

'Shaving. It's for pussies. Literally.'

'Beard Fact - 98% of Women studied found that sitting on a bearded mans face for 20 minutes a day is fuckin' fabulous!'

'Warning - if you touch my beard I will NOT be responsible for the sudden loss of your panties.'

'Who shaves up to ten times a day and still has an awesome beard? - The barber.'

'I love you with all my beard. I would say heart, but my beard is much bigger!'

A man looks out of his window one morning and sees one of his neighbours sitting outside crying. Slightly concerned as to why his neighbor was upset he goes over to see if he can be of any service.

'Whats the matter my friend?' He asks.

'Me and the wife have been at loggerheads recently, She is demanding that I shave off my beard. She's saying if I don't shave it off she is leaving me!' the neighbour explains.

'Oh damn, that's harsh! I'm really sorry to hear that. I can see how much you like your beard, but still why are you crying?' the man asks.

Still with tears in his eyes the neighbour says 'Well, I'm really gonna miss her!'

'I'll never chase any man, but if he has tattoos and a beard a bitch just might power-walk.'

Well, that wraps up another beard blog for today. Let us here your best beard related jokes, quotes and one liners in the comments section provided below!

And until next time, Beard on Brothers, Beard on...



Fran O'Reilly
Fran O'Reilly

Author

I'm your daily blogger here at 'The Beard Struggle'. Have a beard related question? Get in touch!